Standing in the Gap

When I was a teenager, I used to wonder why my parents never understood me! Then when my children were teens I used to wonder why my teens don’t understand me! Ever felt the same? Come on, give me a high five! Well it is not easy to be a parent, especially the parent of teens. Parents with two year old kids, if you think you are undergoing difficult times with your children, wait till they reach their teens. Brace yourselves for the impending horrors.

Having one teen can give us a heart attack but having three (when my three lovely sons were teens) can give us massive heart attacks, if we are not careful. How careful can we be? Well read on to find out what we should do to prevent heart attacks or massive heart attacks.

Let’s see what happens to our darlings when they transform into teenagers. Firstly all teenagers experience hormonal changes. This makes them feel, that we parents are sadists. To them we are killers of all joy. This is not their fault, blame it on the hormones. Every teenager, boy or girl will go through this phase.

In order to help them develop into holistic adults, we have to squeeze our feet into their shoes, to feel as they would feel and we have to put on their lens to see the world as they would see them. If we have not been good role-models, we must admit our mistakes and honestly tell them that we are sorry for not being good role models. This is the only way to gain their respect. This is the first step towards filling in the gap between them and ourselves. When they see that we are humble and sincere in wanting the best for them they will respond accordingly.

Secondly we must spend time to get to know them. Go on a date with them. Give them ample time to speak their hearts out. Listen to them without being judgemental. Sometimes they will just want to pour their hearts out. They may not want you to advice them. Look for the right time and opportunity to advise them on certain issues. You will only be able to do that if you build a strong bonding with them. Tell them about your experiences as a teenager. I am sure they would love to hear about it. Don’t freak out if they appear before you with ‘Frankenstein’s’ hairstyle. Make them feel loved. Guide them gently with your unconditional love. Get to know their friends, but never ever criticise them. If you think their friends may lead them astray talk to your child privately about you fears but not when you are on a date with them because they may associate the dating time with advice hearing time and they will eventually refuse to go on a date with you.

Finally, we need to stand in the gap with unceasing prayer, constant affirmation, lots of unconditional love, compassion, unconditional forgiveness and tons of patience. This will do the impossible. But it will take time. Let me stress here that standing in the gap in prayer is of utmost importance. In Ezekiel 33:6-7 The Lord commands us to hear from Him and speak to our children. Thus we must always be on constant watch and in unceasing prayer (communication) with God our Father in order to be able to lead our children in the footsteps of Christ.

We may struggle to understand our teens and our teens may struggle to understand us but take heart, this phase will soon pass. When we surrender them to the loving arms of our Creator and constantly pray for them we can be assured that they are in the safest hands ever. Meanwhile let us just continue to love them and be there for them.

Be Blessed
Mary Augustine

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