We had a teaching & preaching, knowing your bible & art of teaching test at SALT Bible school today. First we had to preach a 10min prepared sermon. I had spent 3 days conceptualising what I wanted to preach. I then prepared a written sermon on that topic and I also went on to prepare teaching aids like a majong paper of illustrations. Spent a long time in my preparation. My dear husband was in awe and he said that I would be the top. The test came and the results came too. I thought that I had done very well because I knew I had prepared carefully and I was very confident. The lecturer told me that I was a good teacher but that I had forgotten that it was a sermon and that I was to have preached and not taught. My marks for that was quite low and at first I was very disappointed. I felt ashamed because I was thinking of what the others would think of me. Then I also thought that the lecturer was unfair. I felt sorry for myself because I spent days and hours preparing and I heard from the others that they only prepared at the last minute. I suppose my countenance showed my disappointment because my husband told me not to have this competitive spirit. I then began to check myself internally.
Then suddenly I had this realisation in my heart. I felt like I was standing before the judgment seat of Christ. Now I thought that I had prepared well, but according to the lecturer I was wrong in the way I presented. I likened this to my daily living. I am thinking that what I do, say and think everyday are all right before God. I am even careless at times. Now when I stand before God on my final judgement day, would I be found worthy or would Jesus say,"Although you thought that was right, that was not what I wanted you to do, say or think. You got it all wrong Maria." What would I do if that happens? I certainly would not be able to go back and change my behaviour. Nor can I ask Him why those who repented at the last minute were rewarded. Those who received the marks they received, did so because they prepared according to the teaching and expectation of the lecturer. When I stand before Almighty God, my every motive for doing, saying and thinking as I do would be carefully examined. I would not be able to change even an iota of anything after I die. That was really scary.
When that realisation hit me, it hit me real hard. My marks for that prepared sermon did not matter any more. I knew that it was a valuable experience to learn something from. All I want for Jesus to tell me, when I stand before Him on my judgement day is, "Well done Maria. You have lived according to my heart's desire. What you did, said and thought were all very pleasing to me. Come in my good and faithful servant. I Am well pleased with you."
Although I felt humbled at that time, I am now glad that the Holy Spirit used that experience to teach me that I have to be very scrupulous in examining my every thought, word and action to ensure that I am in alignment to God's holy will at all times. The motive which prompts me to do, say and think what I do has to be scrutinised here and now itself by me. I have to do it by myself with the help of the Holy Spirit and not rely on anyone. What others think about me is not at all important. What my dearest Lord and Saviour Jesus thinks about me is of vital importance.
Am I doing something to help others or do I desire to elevate myself in their eyes? I have to be very humble always. I really thank God for giving me a wonderful husband. He acts as my conscience always. I know that God has given him to me to help me check myself.
Thank you Lord Jesus for loving this sinful me and thank You Holy Spirit for guiding and counselling me. Help me always to live in Your Holy Presence Father. I pray this in Jesus most holy name. Amen!
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