A Friendly Word of Caution

Of all the modern inventions, it looks like the usage of earphones and headphones fall second in place to the cell-phones. You can practically see everyone young and old sitting, standing, walking, jogging, exercising, travelling, working and even sleeping with the earphones plugged into their ears.

It is a marvellous device which allows you to hear what you want to hear, without disturbing others and allows you to hear anything without embarrassing yourself. Albeit it is so useful, letting noise level above 80decibels into your ear can potentially cause damage to the structures in the middle and inner ear, and to the nerve pathways related to the perception of sound. For your information, an IPOD Nano can play at 110decibels. Furthermore you will not be able to hear the surrounding noise well and can miss out on a surrounding danger which might cost you, your precious life and your family’s peace and joy..

Through a recent research scientists have discovered that even common noise, such as highly amplified music and gas-engine mowers or leaf blowers, can damage human hearing with prolonged exposure.

This is so disturbing because this means that our children and youth are in danger of losing their hearing, which is irreparable, by the age of 25 or 30. Moreover there is also the danger of not being able to hear God’s voice because God speaks in the silence of our hearts. When there is constant noise drumming into our ears our brain becomes numb and our thoughts get disrupted.

Although I agree that earphones are useful and are required to be worn in some instances, they must be used in moderation and with caution.

You may want to read further, about ‘Noise and Hearing Loss,’ and ‘the decibels considered potentially hazardous to human ears,’ in the following link:

http://www.asha.org/public/hearing/disorders/noise.htm

What’s it with Face-book?

Just a while ago I overheard my youngest son talk to his friend on the phone. This is how the conversation went…

“Hey! I just deleted 148 people from my face-book. Ya, these are people I don’t know. By the way, I think we should delete the face-book, all together. I think it is a waste of time….. (his friend talks – I can’t hear his side of the conversation)….. but seriously, why do we need the face-book? We keep staring at the computer nearly the whole day and read about what is happening in other people’s lives….(his friend talks)….I would rather look at my own life and try to improve it. Who needs to know what the other person is doing and half the time we only read the rubbish posted there.”

“Praise the Lord! He has been enlightened by the Holy Spirit!” I exclaimed within myself.

These days, both old and young are caught in the web of the face-book. I agree that it is useful to keep in touch with friends and to make new friends but little do most people realize that it eats into their precious time. Yes I do agree with my son that it is a waste of time in most instances.

Wait! Before you throw stones at me please read further.  Face-book is for those above eighteen years of age. Nevertheless young school going children and teens below eighteen, enter their ages as above eighteen and sign up for an account in the face-book. Then they, thrilled at the realization that they can communicate with many friends and make many more friends, spend most of their waking time and sleeping time chatting on it. They neglect their studies and as a result their grades drop drastically.

Most of these kids lack maturity and just post any comment or picture on it, without realizing the consequences of their actions.  Recently one such comment by a teenager caused a family feud. Another time because of a comment posted by a prankster, a gang fight broke out. Young people these days use it to poke fun at one another. They even post negative or embarrassing comments about someone they don’t like or about someone they are angry with and others will add on to these comments.

Face-book can be put to good use if one has self control. It is a fantastic tool to inform one’s friends of something one would like to share. You can get connected to long lost friends through the face-book and you can save on sms’s and phone calls. You can even keep track of what your children are up to. (Ooops! The cat is out of the bag!) Nevertheless you should learn the art of being the master of the face-book and not its slave.

Always  remember, a knife can be used to cut an apple and it can also kill someone; fire can be used to cook your meals and can also destroy things and lives; medicine heals when the proper dosage is taken and the same medicine can kill when there is an over dosage administered. Likewise, face-book can help you to save time or to waste time. Face-book can bring people together or apart depending upon the way you use it.

Therefore my dear face-book people out there, keep in mind that lost time and lost age can never be gotten again. Not even in your dreams. So use the face-book wisely.

The ‘Magic in Your Life’

Ha, ha! My cool teenagers, you will be jubilating over the fact that finally, you have found one soul who understood you fully. You are right. I am on your side and because I care for you, I am posting one more article to help you become wise. Now go ahead, read on . . .

Yes teenagers nowadays are a misunderstood group of people who are unjustly accused of being rebellious… but are they incapable of thinking and acting and making a choice for themselves? Certainly not! They are just as capable, or even more capable than anyone of us. Then why on earth are they making bad choices?

Teens these days go through numerous struggles in life. They have to struggle to fight for their rights; struggle to make their needs known; struggle to keep up with the fast paced life around them; struggle to be in touch with the latest and coolest hip hop fashion; struggle to be recognized. Through all these struggles, one would expect them to emerge stronger and wiser.

Like I said earlier, most teens grow up with wrong role models or in front of the television set. But if they learn wrong things from the wrong sources they should be able to learn the right things from the right sources given the fact that they have gone through intensive and extensive training in struggling with the known and the unknown.

There are only two options for everyone in life. The first option is to learn, benefit and grow from the experiences of others and the second option is to learn from one’s own struggles, mistakes and hardships. Unfortunately most choose the second option to their own chagrin in their matured years.

What is preventing them from learning the right things or making the right choices? I believe it is their determination to make it on their own. They tend to reject all advice given or lessons taught by others who have struggled through similar situations. They want to be independent. They want to emerge as winners in their own eyes without anyone’s help. They want to ‘do it their own way’. Although that is an admirable quality, they will do well by heeding the advice of their elders. This will help them save time. Otherwise they will be spending their entire existence, trying to put their lives together.

Then regrets and remorse will ensue. Those who are strong, those who can control their emotions and those who can pick themselves up from where they are, will manage to make something out of their remaining years, months or days. These will emerge as successful leaders who live to tell the world their success stories. The rest will sadly wilt away. They will live the remaining period of their lives in regrets, hurts and accusations or give up on life like Humpty Dumpty.

Once again, I recall my late mother’s wise words here, “Wise is the child, who heeds the advice of those who have tread the path before him/her. Innumerable treasures await at his/her gate.”

I have only three things to say to all you teenagers who are reading this, “Be alert at all times. Choose wisely. Pray much.” This way of living will then create the ‘Magic in your Life’ and will prevent you from living a life full of misery and regrets.

God bless.   

Standing in the Gap

When I was a teenager, I used to wonder why my parents never understood me! Then when my children were teens I used to wonder why my teens don’t understand me! Ever felt the same? Come on, give me a high five! Well it is not easy to be a parent, especially the parent of teens. Parents with two year old kids, if you think you are undergoing difficult times with your children, wait till they reach their teens. Brace yourselves for the impending horrors.

Having one teen can give us a heart attack but having three (when my three lovely sons were teens) can give us massive heart attacks, if we are not careful. How careful can we be? Well read on to find out what we should do to prevent heart attacks or massive heart attacks.

Let’s see what happens to our darlings when they transform into teenagers. Firstly all teenagers experience hormonal changes. This makes them feel, that we parents are sadists. To them we are killers of all joy. This is not their fault, blame it on the hormones. Every teenager, boy or girl will go through this phase.

In order to help them develop into holistic adults, we have to squeeze our feet into their shoes, to feel as they would feel and we have to put on their lens to see the world as they would see them. If we have not been good role-models, we must admit our mistakes and honestly tell them that we are sorry for not being good role models. This is the only way to gain their respect. This is the first step towards filling in the gap between them and ourselves. When they see that we are humble and sincere in wanting the best for them they will respond accordingly.

Secondly we must spend time to get to know them. Go on a date with them. Give them ample time to speak their hearts out. Listen to them without being judgemental. Sometimes they will just want to pour their hearts out. They may not want you to advice them. Look for the right time and opportunity to advise them on certain issues. You will only be able to do that if you build a strong bonding with them. Tell them about your experiences as a teenager. I am sure they would love to hear about it. Don’t freak out if they appear before you with ‘Frankenstein’s’ hairstyle. Make them feel loved. Guide them gently with your unconditional love. Get to know their friends, but never ever criticise them. If you think their friends may lead them astray talk to your child privately about you fears but not when you are on a date with them because they may associate the dating time with advice hearing time and they will eventually refuse to go on a date with you.

Finally, we need to stand in the gap with unceasing prayer, constant affirmation, lots of unconditional love, compassion, unconditional forgiveness and tons of patience. This will do the impossible. But it will take time. Let me stress here that standing in the gap in prayer is of utmost importance. In Ezekiel 33:6-7 The Lord commands us to hear from Him and speak to our children. Thus we must always be on constant watch and in unceasing prayer (communication) with God our Father in order to be able to lead our children in the footsteps of Christ.

We may struggle to understand our teens and our teens may struggle to understand us but take heart, this phase will soon pass. When we surrender them to the loving arms of our Creator and constantly pray for them we can be assured that they are in the safest hands ever. Meanwhile let us just continue to love them and be there for them.

Be Blessed
Mary Augustine

************************************************

Sow in Tears & Reap with Joy

Have you ever wondered why your child who was so obedient yesterday begins to want his/her own way today? Have you ever wondered how on earth your child got those horns growing on his/her head? If so you may need to re-view your parenting strategies.

We most often pass the responsibility of child rearing to others and blame each other. We expect our spouse and the teachers in school to inculcate all the values in our children while we sit back and relax. We make the grievous mistake of being wrong role models to our children or leaving them with wrong role models (TV included) when they are younger and then we begin to set rules when or children reach teen-age. This late inception of rules, has often proven to be futile and there is a risk of it backfiring on us.

We need to train our children when they are young. My late mother used to tell us, “Suffer now enjoy later. Enjoy now suffer later.” It is entirely up to us to choose an option. We can either role model the right behaviour, discipline our children early and relax later or relax now and work extremely hard at disciplining our children later (in other words suffer later).

Children who were not disciplined at an early stage and children who had wrong role-models will feel like natives on an isolated island surrounded by a dense forest with a complicated map in their hands. The directions on the map will seem alien and incomprehensible to them. All they know is how to manoeuvre through the dense foliage by the examples shown by their fathers and forefathers. Likewise when all of a sudden a set of rules is thrust upon them, they will freak out. They won’t understand why they can’t do this or that or say this or that, when that was how they were taught to do and say things. They begin to feel lost and become even more confused. They then begin to disobey and eventually rebel. Therefore it is pointless to blame them.

We as parents must exercise caution and employ wisdom in child rearing. Children brought up in this manner will turn out to be mature and successful adults. It is written in the bible in Proverbs 22:6.”Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not turn away from it.” We must remember that a child emulates 90% of what he/she sees. Let us therefore sow early in tears and reap a rich harvest with joy.

*************************************************

In Awe of Today’s Teens

What are the challenges that face teens these days?

1)  Peer Pressure

2)  Morality Issues

3)  Affluence and Entertainment

The media and the world around us are flooded with advertisements, coated with sugary promises, that the things advertised will make us more beautiful, smart, attractive, successful or powerful. They make those who do not own the things which are advertised, feel inadequate, miserable and powerless. This pressurizes one into succumbing to the temptation of buying and hoarding when there is no real need. The insatiable desire to own all the 5 C’s namely, car, cash, credit card, condominium and membership’s to country clubs, is the present evil which disillusions many.

Moral values are fast changing. What was unthinkable in those days is considered normal today. Integrity has taken on a different meaning. It means different things to different people in different circumstances. There seems to be no clear demarcation between morality and immorality. The dividing line has blurred into oblivion.

Peer pressure these days is very great. Teen-age is the age where friends become more important than parents. Getting into the good books of friends, dressing alike, owning the same type of gadgets or better ones is deemed cool.

Now despite facing all the above mentioned challenges there are many teens, who, take each challenge as a learning experience and stay afloat. I marvel at their skills and am awed by their determination to succeed without trading their consciences and values. I salute every teen, who, finally emerges as a successful leader with values.

****************************************************

Me! A Teen in this era!

Sometime ago I interviewed a group of teens and posed this question to them:

“What makes one vulnerable?”

They came up with the following answers:

1) Being in situations where I'm not comfortable, most of the time it's just the great unknown that scares me.

2) Having no alternatives for action.

3) Opening up my feelings to someone,
   scares me.

4) Some situations in the past have made me feel that way.

5) Loneliness and boredom.

6) When I'm feeling worthless, when I feel lonely and when people
   are bombarding me with heaps of bloody questions all at once.

Their answers saddened me. I saw innocent children in need of love, warmth, affection and acceptance. My heart just felt a surge of compassion and I wanted to hold them in my arms all at once.

Teens these days, are living in a much more hostile and challenging environment than us in the 50’s 60’s and 70’s era. In the 50’s and 60’s in Singapore, we did not have hand-phones. Most homes did not even have televisions or telephones. We had to rely on telegrams and letters to send messages. We used to congregate at the CC’s to catch an interesting programme. Everyone, Chinese, Indians, Malays and Eurasians will sit together and enjoy a Chinese ‘Wayang’ or a Malay drama or a Tamil variety show. There was community living and sharing. There was no internet. Thus we grew up in a safe haven unscathed by the influences of the so called ‘Western World’.

Children these days are exposed to the whole world even in the seclusion of their individual homes. An altogether different concept of living tantalizes their minds. They have to go through immense struggles both mentally and emotionally to sieve through the present attractions and the demands made on them, to make the right choices in life.

Most teens seldom come through the challenges unscathed. But those who come through stand up as successful leaders who are able to counsel, lead and deliver those who are in similar predicaments.

If I was a teen now I don’t know how I would be and I certainly do not want to be a teen in this era.

*********************************************